CHERNOBYL NEVERLAND

russia probePutin approved movie set for release in 2018…along with another plume of radioactive gas. And an ICBM exchange between North and South Korea. And a zombie virus. And a Superbowl for concussion victims only. And the People’s Choice Awards, live from Beijing. And the Olympics, dead from Japan. And the Trump Invitational Celebrity Golf Supermodel Championships from New Zealand. And the latest sessions of Congress on how to do anything other than to battle over scandals. And Scandal’s new season on pay per view.

mutants

And a contest to shoot six legged mutant deer with AR-15s and AK47s, winning carpetbagger to receive a contract to build a ReSport: a luxury, lead lined resort (to be pitched on Shark Tank) for zombie hunters, survivalist lecturers, and reality shows. 

 

Jared Kushner

Zombie Prisons for Marijuana Users?

vape

LA TIMES) Ordering federal prosecutors on Friday to crack down on drug offenders, Atty. Gen. Jeff Sessions made clear he wants the Justice Department to turn the clock back to an earlier, tougher era in the four-decades-long war on drugs. In a memo, Sessions said federal prosecutors should “charge and pursue the most serious, readily provable offense” in drug cases, even when that would trigger mandatory minimum sentencing. Mandatory sentencing laws for drug users have been controversial for years, and many Republicans as well as Democrats now oppose them as unfair, ineffective and too costly.
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Leaked by InfoWars Prison Planet: 1) Having rejected science in favor of pseudo-sanity, planet Earth will be turned into a giant Elysium set (ie. prison.) The poor (formerly middle class) will live in squalor, smoking weed saved from the robotic Agent Orange sprayers that criss-cross the fields, making sure all crops are imbued with the “essence of Aquarius” (ie. cancer.) 2) Flogging robots will make the rounds to villages (cells), supplying punishment in the form of “cats of nine tales” (whips, chains, and speakers broadcasting updates on how work on luxury bunkers and the National Space Station for the Uber Rich is progressing.) 3) Pot smokers will be provided with an avenue to freedom in the form of a Hunger Game duel to the death. One lucky survivor will be allowed a tour of the White House and West Wing luncheon…while in shackles.       
ZombiesIn other McNews: NEN has learned that trucks reportedly carrying bombs actually contain props for a new game show to be unleashed on unsuspecting Americans called WANNABE ZOMBIES.  “These are crazed contestants who believe in the radical religion of celebrity so much that they are willing to do anything,” claims producer Mark Burnette, “including being injected with virus memes and becoming vampires and zombies.” We were unable to obtain the details about how this was accomplished, except that the contestants are all out-of-work TV addicts being cut from unemployment benefit roles (to build more bombs.) In the meantime, huckster game show hosts continue their unrelenting assault on sanity, claiming God or the Almighty Dollar (et. al.) are the best blinders to wear while singing, “if that’s all there is, my friend, then let’s keep dancing. . .”

Justin Bieber Building Bunker

Bieber
Abandons tax haven yacht in favor of building bunker.

The Biebs is a Belieber in Survival. In the latest McNews, direct from InfoWars Prison Planet, he is building a bunker in anticipation of World War 3 breaking out, “any second.” What should you do? Continue to play the latest first person shooter distractions until your life force is extinguished in real life. Sooner rather than later. “The end is here.”

Justin Bieber

 

Suggested Titles for James Comey’s Book

snl

Comey’s Comets: From Hot Pockets to Deep Dish
FBI FYI: Hacked, Smacked, Sacked
James In the Middle: Between a Rock & A Hard Face
FBI AXE FILES: Murder in the House & Senate
Last House on the Right: My Rancid Meat & Greet
Guns R US: Good Old Boys & Their Walking Brain Dead Toys
Nine Plan 9 Plans: From the Outer Limits to the Oval Office
Elysium 2B: Your Future Silencing the Lambs
The Uncensored Files: Area 51 and the DC Flat Earther Lizard People Trilaterialists
Trump Tweets that Lasted Less Than a Second: “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Three do.”

Live from New York: It’s Binge & Purge Night!

Shark Tank