Zombie Prisons for Marijuana Users?

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LA TIMES) Ordering federal prosecutors on Friday to crack down on drug offenders, Atty. Gen. Jeff Sessions made clear he wants the Justice Department to turn the clock back to an earlier, tougher era in the four-decades-long war on drugs. In a memo, Sessions said federal prosecutors should “charge and pursue the most serious, readily provable offense” in drug cases, even when that would trigger mandatory minimum sentencing. Mandatory sentencing laws for drug users have been controversial for years, and many Republicans as well as Democrats now oppose them as unfair, ineffective and too costly.
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Leaked by InfoWars Prison Planet: 1) Having rejected science in favor of pseudo-sanity, planet Earth will be turned into a giant Elysium set (ie. prison.) The poor (formerly middle class) will live in squalor, smoking weed saved from the robotic Agent Orange sprayers that criss-cross the fields, making sure all crops are imbued with the “essence of Aquarius” (ie. cancer.) 2) Flogging robots will make the rounds to villages (cells), supplying punishment in the form of “cats of nine tales” (whips, chains, and speakers broadcasting updates on how work on luxury bunkers and the National Space Station for the Uber Rich is progressing.) 3) Pot smokers will be provided with an avenue to freedom in the form of a Hunger Game duel to the death. One lucky survivor will be allowed a tour of the White House and West Wing luncheon…while in shackles.       
ZombiesIn other McNews: NEN has learned that trucks reportedly carrying bombs actually contain props for a new game show to be unleashed on unsuspecting Americans called WANNABE ZOMBIES.  “These are crazed contestants who believe in the radical religion of celebrity so much that they are willing to do anything,” claims producer Mark Burnette, “including being injected with virus memes and becoming vampires and zombies.” We were unable to obtain the details about how this was accomplished, except that the contestants are all out-of-work TV addicts being cut from unemployment benefit roles (to build more bombs.) In the meantime, huckster game show hosts continue their unrelenting assault on sanity, claiming God or the Almighty Dollar (et. al.) are the best blinders to wear while singing, “if that’s all there is, my friend, then let’s keep dancing. . .”

Iron Chef Secret Ingredient: IRON?

CookingCute memes and funny posts get many likes and views. But people reading them have little time left to learn something they should really know….and are not being told, due to the news media having a disincentive to tell (advertising revenue.) Did you know that iron “fortified” cereals and excessive meat consumption causes Alzheimers and Parkinsons? Only in America do they add iron to all flour products, and the cumulative dosage is toxic. In countries like Italy they do not add iron to flour, and they have less dementia. (And lower health care costs.) Author to correlate the studies is a genetics scientist at Harvard. https://youtu.be/v8Wjy1fP6vM

McDonaldsOrder THE MIND SPAN DIET by clicking on the correct grave above.

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TaxDay: A Definition

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TaxDay: A time for the middle class working slaves to pay all the bills. (Fear: that once the middle class is extinct, increasing deficits will bust the economy, and everyone will take their millions of AR-15s and Saturday Night Specials into the streets and stores for Blue Light Specials. “At the end of the day,” even Eminem will have to move back into a trailer with his mom.)

ComicConComic CON: a National Event the day after the collapse of the economy, when everyone who owns a Superhero uniform will wear them while robbing jewelry stores and invading gated communities.

MOVIE: a “viral video” that you pay to watch. Longer than the typical cat video featured on local and national news programs (as a parting upbeat moment after showing terrorist clips sponsored by Coke, Pepsi, and prescription drugs), featuring high tech comic book characters whose dialogue consists of one-liners shorter than most Presidential Tweets. Usually violent, inane, and with no redeeming value except to reinforce simplistic stereotypes about the nature of good and evil, sex, violence, and clashing egos, these movies are an alternative to watching the NFL, but with a higher special effects budget…except for the Superbowl commercials, which employ thousands of technicians to animate and light bubbles rising in beer mugs and soda bottles.    

Alex Jones admits to being a Human Lizard

INFOWARSThe lizardness of Alex Jones was revealed today as he admitted he was just a performance artist. “Conspiracy? Naw. Me really dun believe any of it. It’s all about de money and sex. Once de scales are tilted in any particular director I favors, due to me vested interest, I moves on.” He also shared his true egoic fantasy: to retire to the Caymans, where his wealth is shielded from the IRS and viewing by the NBA Dioceses. 

InfowarsNow that he feels he has WON the war to corrupt your hive mind, will you continue to allow him to seduce your bitch wife, cousin Jughead? “I’s really want ta know.”

Infowars