Women Refugee Athletes Jump Slave Ships

sports fashion
http://TowerReview.com/sports-humor.html

Tired of being raped and/or exploited by sports gods and social media, women in all sports (not just gymnastics) are jumping from various violent human trafficking cults like the NFL and NHL Dioceses to safer religions like chess and parcheesi. Says their atheist lawyer Ryback Solomon, “God wants them to stop playing games or appearing in reality shows as wives on their way to hell—where, incidentally, even the High Commissioner of Wiffleball is going—but until that happens I am urging them to put down their cell phones and read some books. Or at least listen to some while they apply makeup to bruises.”

sports humorIn other McNews, the Russians are applying their tech-savvy hacking skills to add the email addresses of bright young students to the lists of sports e-news publications like Sports Illustrated for Kids. The reasoning is that potential talent in engineering and science can be quashed by diverting attention to non-productive pursuits. Says Dimitri Strangedove of the RIS, “The goal is world domination at any cost. This has never changed. Everyone wants to rule the world, right? Especially junk food executives on the payroll of Big Pharma. What we have in mind is nothing less than having all kids glued to various screens much of their lives, and never finding the time to study except when cramming for their GEDs.” When Dimitri was asked why he was revealing his game playbook to Ryback, the Russian Intelligence Service replied, “Because among the few who read, fewer still will actually do the math…even with illustrations and diagrams for various sudden death overtime options.”

Fox SportsDefinitions of the Day) HATER: Anyone who doesn’t like your selfies, or who makes a comment about you wearing furs in order to look like a narcissist Kardashian by ripping the skins off multiple animals while they are still alive.

LOVER: Any Latino or wannabe with a very, very large family. Or maybe not. 

Furs

 

CHERNOBYL NEVERLAND

russia probePutin approved movie set for release in 2018…along with another plume of radioactive gas. And an ICBM exchange between North and South Korea. And a zombie virus. And a Superbowl for concussion victims only. And the People’s Choice Awards, live from Beijing. And the Olympics, dead from Japan. And the Trump Invitational Celebrity Golf Supermodel Championships from New Zealand. And the latest sessions of Congress on how to do anything other than to battle over scandals. And Scandal’s new season on pay per view.

mutants

And a contest to shoot six legged mutant deer with AR-15s and AK47s, winning carpetbagger to receive a contract to build a ReSport: a luxury, lead lined resort (to be pitched on Shark Tank) for zombie hunters, survivalist lecturers, and reality shows. 

 

Jared Kushner

Dubai to Build World’s Scariest Waterslide

DubaiWould you take this waterslide?  YES or NO?

NASA

“Really?”

Dubai
A suspense set in Dubai and Tucson about a drone attack on the world’s tallest building, and two people caught up in violence, kidnapping, and romance.

Guest Poet: George W. Bush

The work in here starts early.
The boss is pressed for time.
You never smell the roses.
You haven’t got a dime.
Machines are made for progress
but what you wanna bet
they raise that quota higher
until you’re drippin’ sweat.
But hey, ya should be grateful
to keep their plant on line:
they kissin’ girls in Rio
an’ sippin’ bubbly wine.
Jus’ keep that meter runnin’
you boys in blue and black,
and remember, no vacations
until you break your back.

Suggested Titles for James Comey’s Book

snl

Comey’s Comets: From Hot Pockets to Deep Dish
FBI FYI: Hacked, Smacked, Sacked
James In the Middle: Between a Rock & A Hard Face
FBI AXE FILES: Murder in the House & Senate
Last House on the Right: My Rancid Meat & Greet
Guns R US: Good Old Boys & Their Walking Brain Dead Toys
Nine Plan 9 Plans: From the Outer Limits to the Oval Office
Elysium 2B: Your Future Silencing the Lambs
The Uncensored Files: Area 51 and the DC Flat Earther Lizard People Trilaterialists
Trump Tweets that Lasted Less Than a Second: “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Three do.”

Live from New York: It’s Binge & Purge Night!

Shark Tank