Steve Bannon Shouts Islamic Slogans

Steve Bannon

That’s right, brokes. Steve has joined the realm of Steven King and the Twilight’s Last Gleaming movie, as Trump’s Dirty Dozen gets blown up one by one in a desperate effort to make sense. Stay Doomed. More to come from the Kling-ons

Happy! to Run for President in 2020


Vietnam Documentary
Vietnam Documentary by Ken Burns
The Bachelorette
Her Big Brother is watching. And trembling.

In other McNews, A LONG TIME AGO, IN A FALLACY FAR, FAR AWAY…THIS DAY IN HISTORY WILL LIVE IN INFAMY:  A taxi cab was once intercepted on its ride from Cuba to Florida. This cab had been refurbished into a boat. Our questions remain these:
1) What was the fare for the passengers, and did they keep the meter running while being questioned by the Coast Guard?
2) Was the driver actually from India, and if so, was his turban checked for weapons?
3) If they simply ran out of spare parts for the cab in Cuba, and hoped to continue their family business in Miami, why not hire a publicity agent to work on a percentage and get themselves a blue mansion to park the blue cab? And will Puddles the Clown move in with IT? (Simon Cowell.)
IMAGiNE for a moment, if you will, the potential here. Imagine Ron Howard optioning a Hollywood version of the story for his production company, Imagine Entertainment. Now imagine Russell Crowe playing the father of a proud yet struggling clan living in a crowded hovel on the outskirts of Havana. Unable to repair his cab when it throws a piston rod at 220,000 miles, Russell looks to his wife, to help support their three urchins by getting a job at a cigar factory. But there are no openings, and so with a real estate market that hasn’t seen a bubble since the 50s, they are soon forced to live in the parked cab. Next, imagine that inside the taxi, late at night, Russell regales his wide-eyed kids with stories about all the Canadian tourists he once shuttled around to the casinos, and how they talked about America—that magical land of opportunity—where folks ate so much food they all got fat, with giant supermarkets the size of football fields everywhere, and high school football stadiums costing as much as Beyonce’s new digs. Indeed, every night for months, while working days as a street fighter, Russell spins tale after tale about Americans buying Hummers with their estate profits just so they can to go to the Quickie Mart for cheese doodles. Tales which become ever taller yet more poignant, as Rene writes them all down in a journal. Then a fateful turning point arrives. One of their kids suddenly asks, “Can we win the Powerball and buy a home in America too, daddy?” And there you have it. They turn the cab into an Ark, bravely steer it to American waters, and get picked up by the Coast Guard. Russell, cute kids in tow, appears on Good Mourning America and The Chew, taking turns reading from their journal, which is also purchased by Flopsweat Press for $1.2 million just before Brian Graser reads it to Ron Howard, who immediately dials Toys R Us and the Home Shopping Network for their take on blue cab toy possibilities. If only Russell hadn’t taken that telephone away from Opie and thrown it against the wall.

Barron Bieber


Facts about Barron: He is well groomed, and uses caviar moisturizer. He likes things, quote, “clean and white.” He speaks Slovene. His mother is not named Rosemary. His nickname is “Mini-Meme.” 

SatanMeanwhile, Justin Bieber (aka “the New Fonz”) is helping to launch a “bold new fashion line” of…white tee shirts. Says the designer, “It’s a democratic shirt.” She didn’t mean the Democratic Party. She meant, “democracy,” as in “the people have spoken.” Well, not most people, but the Electoral College vote. Like the private school that Barron attends. …Now what we need is a white shirt with coffee stains in support of The Coffee Party

Are you a Belieber?

Glutenberg Bible Discovered

Glutenberg Bible
Glutenberg Bible

Discovered at a library near the archeological site in Israel near where Jesus fed five thousand people with seven loaves of bread, a Glutenberg Bible just discovered is being described as, “almost identical to the mid-19th Century text, except there is no mention of wheat. Instead, there is substituted ‘rice flour’ or ‘corn meal.’ So it’s really the same Bible, only gluten free. Manna from heaven is made from amaranth and quinoa, not wheat. And the reference of separating the ‘tares from the wheat’ actually refers to buckwheat, which isn’t wheat at all. Oh, and there’s a recipe in the back on how to make low calorie beer without the use of wheat or hops. I guess this means that all those portly TV preachers and priests have been doing it wrong all these years, and may be in for a surprise come Judgment Day.”
Hosea 7:4) “They are all adulterers, like a heated oven whose baker ceases to stir the fire, from the kneading of the dough until it is leavened.”
Ezekiel 4:15) Then He said to me, “See, I assign to you cow’s dung instead of human dung, on which you may prepare your bread.”
Leviticus 7:13) “With the sacrifice of his peace offerings for thanksgiving he shall bring his offering with loaves of cornbread.”
Genesis 18:6) And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, “Quick! Three seahs of fine dark flour! Knead it, and make buckwheat pancakes!”
Genesis 19:1) The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he (censored.)

Nicholas Cage

North Korea