Trump to Hire DC Comics to Fight Press

comics

Trump doesn’t just read comic books. Here are other favorites (he says), besides his own books (dictated to co-writers.)

  1. THE ART OF WAR by Sun Tzu
  2. THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING by Norman Vincent Peale
  3. ESSAYS by Ralph Waldo Emerson
  4. THE PRINCE by Machiavelli
  5. IDEAS and OPINIONS by Einstein (know thine enemy?)
  6. THE PARTY (The Secret World of China’s Communist Leaders)
  7. ON CHINA by Henry Kissinger
  8. MAO: The Untold Story by Jung Chang
  9. TIDE PLAYERS by Jianying Zha
  10. ONE BILLION CUSTOMERS by James Mcgregor
  11. junk food

Televangelist Spamming Everyone

Chuck Todd

From:  VCashman697@hotdog.com
To:  Chuck.Todd2@youhoo.com
Subject:  We Need Your Help Desperately
.
Dear Chuck,
   The ministry here has been suffering of late with overhead expenses, and we could really use a love gift from you, a special friend of Vic Cashman International.  May God touch you and bless you, even as He places a figure on your heart to help us share this message with a lost and dying world.  Thank you, dear listener, for being a willing servant in His loving hands.  –Victor in Victory
.
From:  Chuck.Todd2@youhoo.com
To:  VCashman697@hotdog.com
Subject:  VC International
.
Dear Vic,
   Thanks so much for the email.  Actually, I’m curious as to where you obtained my email address, and what the phrase “special friend” really means to you, if anything. Could you also describe your expenses to me?  I have expenses too, but have never thought of writing to a stranger asking that they assist me in paying them by implying that God will smile on them if they do so. Your email goes beyond this, in fact, to suggest that if I do send you money that I might one day need for heart surgery (having missed just one insurance payment) that I will somehow prevent the demise of others, who I also do not know, and who may also be having overhead problems. Having just Googled you, I now see where your difficulties may lie in that regard, and if you will allow me to offer a word of advice without charge, it appears you may have overextended yourself in purchasing that new Mercedes E400, along with that beach house in the Hamptons. (I’ve always wanted a kidney shaped pool like that, especially after I lost a kidney to a mugger with a three inch blade.) I see your son is enrolled in a private school, and I believe you’d save about thirty grand by putting him in public school. Of course you’d save even more if your wife stopped with the designer handbags, and you dropped your country club membership. I know you say God doesn’t want His servants to be poor or anything hellish like that. (Heaven knows we’ve all heard Creflo and Benny and Ken and Joyce on this subject as we quickly scan past them on our way to acid reflux infomercials.) But, I mean, come on. Ever thought of flying coach to Aspen rather than in your own Cessna Citation? Seems to me God wouldn’t condemn you for cutting a pilot from the staff, considering Jesus hoofed it in sandals across dust, not tarmac. (Although there may be other reasons He’ll punch your ticket to hell.) It would solve your “overhead” problems too, and a lot more efficiently than sending spam to someone whose Uncle Pete was bankrupted by supporting you, and who, therefore, left nothing in his Will for. . . Yours Truly, Chuck Upton-Todd II
.
From:  VCashman697@hotdog.com
To:  Chuck.Todd2@youhoo.com
Subject:  We Need Your Help Desperately
.
Dear Mr. Truly,
   Thank you for your inquiry. If you are writing with a prayer request or to order pastor Vic’s new DVD series MAKE EVERY DAY CHRISTMAS, please call the hotline number below. If you can make a donation of $20 or more, in any event, this would greatly be appreciated. If you would like the DVD sermons, the cost is $39.95 plus shipping and handling. If you have a vehicle or estate for donation to the ministry, stay on the line after placing your order and a prayer partner will assist you. May God bless you richly with untold bounty as your seed of Truth is sown, rooting itself in Paradise. –Pastor Vic
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Call Center:  Hello, you’ve reached Vic International.
CT:  Don’t you mean Vic Cashman International Ministries?
CC:  Yes, of course, sir.  May we pray with you today?
CT:  No, I’m calling to talk to Vic.
CC:  I’m sorry?
CT:  Cashman. Victor Cashman. Are you Indian or something? You sound Indian.
CC:  Yes, I am from India, sir. And I’m sorry, but Mr. Cashman is not here.
CT:  Where is here, exactly?
CC:  I’m sorry?
CT:  Where are you, right now, this moment?
CC:  (after a pause)  In India, sir. Didn’t I just say this?
CT:  No, you didn’t. But it’s nice to see how Vic’s cutting overhead.

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