Steve Bannon Shouts Islamic Slogans

Steve Bannon

That’s right, brokes. Steve has joined the realm of Steven King and the Twilight’s Last Gleaming movie, as Trump’s Dirty Dozen gets blown up one by one in a desperate effort to make sense. Stay Doomed. More to come from the Kling-ons

Happy! to Run for President in 2020

Happy!

Vietnam Documentary
Vietnam Documentary by Ken Burns
The Bachelorette
Her Big Brother is watching. And trembling.

In other McNews, A LONG TIME AGO, IN A FALLACY FAR, FAR AWAY…THIS DAY IN HISTORY WILL LIVE IN INFAMY:  A taxi cab was once intercepted on its ride from Cuba to Florida. This cab had been refurbished into a boat. Our questions remain these:
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1) What was the fare for the passengers, and did they keep the meter running while being questioned by the Coast Guard?
2) Was the driver actually from India, and if so, was his turban checked for weapons?
3) If they simply ran out of spare parts for the cab in Cuba, and hoped to continue their family business in Miami, why not hire a publicity agent to work on a percentage and get themselves a blue mansion to park the blue cab? And will Puddles the Clown move in with IT? (Simon Cowell.)
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IMAGiNE for a moment, if you will, the potential here. Imagine Ron Howard optioning a Hollywood version of the story for his production company, Imagine Entertainment. Now imagine Russell Crowe playing the father of a proud yet struggling clan living in a crowded hovel on the outskirts of Havana. Unable to repair his cab when it throws a piston rod at 220,000 miles, Russell looks to his wife, to help support their three urchins by getting a job at a cigar factory. But there are no openings, and so with a real estate market that hasn’t seen a bubble since the 50s, they are soon forced to live in the parked cab. Next, imagine that inside the taxi, late at night, Russell regales his wide-eyed kids with stories about all the Canadian tourists he once shuttled around to the casinos, and how they talked about America—that magical land of opportunity—where folks ate so much food they all got fat, with giant supermarkets the size of football fields everywhere, and high school football stadiums costing as much as Beyonce’s new digs. Indeed, every night for months, while working days as a street fighter, Russell spins tale after tale about Americans buying Hummers with their estate profits just so they can to go to the Quickie Mart for cheese doodles. Tales which become ever taller yet more poignant, as Rene writes them all down in a journal. Then a fateful turning point arrives. One of their kids suddenly asks, “Can we win the Powerball and buy a home in America too, daddy?” And there you have it. They turn the cab into an Ark, bravely steer it to American waters, and get picked up by the Coast Guard. Russell, cute kids in tow, appears on Good Mourning America and The Chew, taking turns reading from their journal, which is also purchased by Flopsweat Press for $1.2 million just before Brian Graser reads it to Ron Howard, who immediately dials Toys R Us and the Home Shopping Network for their take on blue cab toy possibilities. If only Russell hadn’t taken that telephone away from Opie and thrown it against the wall.

Sith Monument Destroyed by Darth Vadar

Star Trek

This just in: Darth was upset when his ambulance overbilled him $18,000 after an asthma attack. The ambulance was driven by a Sith Lord named Disick who took the scenic route at the standing orders of Lord Barron Trillionaire, and so Darth sought out and strangled the “insidious slime” after reading a tweet about the bill, saying HE should be an exception, as are all high brass in the Empire. Darth then looked into overbilling of the Empire by a secret society of med techs living in caves on Alderan. They mail letter bombs to anyone getting close to the truth, and also send embarrassing data to WookieLeaks. Darth is currently trying to find Barron Trillionaire, but the Barron has never been shot down by any Tie fighter, although there were a few ties. And lies. Stay doomed, brokes! More ahead.

Wookie

 

THIS JUST IN: Darth called and said he just read “Small is the New Big,” and is philosophy has changed from “more is more” to “less is more.” He’s giving up living in Palm Beach and has moved into a cabin with the Unabomber…after freeing him from Supermax prison in Colorado…with a light saber. 

ABC: Animal Broadcasting Corporation

geneticsAnd what would that be: the Umbrella Corporation? No, how about animal rescue and news about animals being slaughtered (including dogs.) Creatures being saved from being skinning alive for furs, electrocuted for Electoral College votes, and kicked or pitch-forked by slaughterhouse workers because cameras are not allowed inside, and no local or national TV news crew will ever follow up on reports, like one in which Brown meats caused the shutdown of a middle school due to a “horrid smell.” (Their spokesman came out to say, “We’ll use a different chemical next time,” and that was enough for reporters. No “what caused the smell?” or “what kind of chemicals are you using on kids?” Don’t ask, don’t tell. They slaughter lambs. Silence of the Lambs?) Interesting facts: 1) people love bacon, and The Baconator is advertised as something you should want to eat. But pigs are as intelligent as dogs, and are sensitive to abuse, which they receive in tight pens causing sores, or are bashed against the wall and left to die covered in flies. By the thousands. 2) Cows are sacred in India, while people think nothing of eating Lassie or Fido in parts of Asia. 3) Meat consumption is highest in the good old USA, as is Alzheimers and dementia, caused by too much iron and protein. (Read The Mind Span Diet by a genetics researcher at Harvard, whose team discovered that in places like Japan and China and Italy, where “iron fortified” or “enriched” does not appear, and people eat less meat, there is far less dementia and heart disease.) 4) Our dogs eat better than our kids. Dog food is touted as “grain free” (free range beef or lamb or chicken) while kids beg their parents to take them to McDonalds due to endless ads and cute toys and the Hamburglar robbing their futures. Those animals either never see the light of day (chickens, except on the way to slaughterhouses), or beef patties (ground together from over a hundred animals which are fed grain by 95% of fast food end games.) The meat is less healthy, too, because it has far fewer nutrients than grass fed. Add to this Coke, which turns good fats bad, and you have a recipe the pharmaceutical giants love most: higher profits for their already rich stockholders snorting coke on their yachts. 5) Hey, it’s a cruel world, buyer beware? The buyer is lied to, spied on, and doesn’t read anything but Tweets. Here’s a question for anyone asking that: “Are you a sociopath? Maybe defect to North Korea and join the herd of fellow Brandwashed lemmings?” Sure, Kim will serve barbecued dissidents for you. While laughing. 6) The Coffee Party. Think about it. A third party which does exist, but nobody talks about. What are they about? Talking, finding solutions, moving forward, not back to the Dark Ages, where ISIS and the Flat Earth Society live. Why? Because, although in any food fight (or nuclear conflict) there are never more than two sides on the killing fields, it’s time to WAKE UP. (…Of course the NFL Dioceses doesn’t care, they are busy discussing plays and “wins,” not soon-to-be Walking Dead brain concussions. “Let the games begin! But first, let us prey.” Insert overflying military jets over budget by billions, and obsolete.) By the way, did you know that light roast coffee is 20 times better for you than dark roast? I didn’t, until I read The Coffee Lovers Diet, by a former science correspondent for a major network. Dark roast beans contain carcinogens from being burnt, and less antioxidants. Been drinking the stuff or years. And used to listen to Rush Limbaugh too, drinking his Kool-aid. Huh. Learn something every day. Live and learn.
food pornABC: “This just in. Sunny skies over Cleveland today, as a SWAT team burst into the home of Willard Webber, a 50 year old college dropout hooked on crack and jelly beans. Twenty-two abused animals were given fresh air for the first time in years, freed from the hellish smells and body odors emanating from Willard’s bedroom, and the cages. Dogs, cats, snakes, an ocelot, a monkey, and a tattooed potbellied pet pig named Tootsie were resuscitated, fed, watered, and bathed. Their eyes have lost the lost look, and now shine with promise, hope. …Something the Soup Nazi at a Virginia soup kitchen is against, shouting ‘No Hope for you!’”

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Monday. You need motivation, right?