Homeless Man to Adopt Twins



TrumpWorld: Post Election Daymares Amazon ebook. Trump is homeless in an alternate universe. http://TowerReview.com/trillionaire.html

In other McNews, The Psychopath Whisperer is back on Fox. Here’s a partial transcript:

Welcome to my talk show. Of course you know we don’t say much in public anymore, or even at Starbucks, except to order a Venti Carmel Massi-Ego before getting on our laptops to see if Kim Kar-smash-again or Kim Jong-fun made it into the playoffs at Yahoo Trends. By the way, libraries now look like Starbucks, too! Except for the restrooms, where homeless people gather to bathe and discuss The Walking Dead. With all the TV game shows and Valerian type movies we broadcast into the galaxy, featuring screaming fan/addicts and doomsday deathmatches. It’s no wonder why space aliens want to kill us so badly. Okay, first question. Let’s hear it.

What is a psychopath, and do they whisper too?

Ha ha. Well, psychopaths don’t generally whisper. They shout orders while pointing weapons. Or they read you the riot act, whatever that is. My job is to disarm them, and then take them to a remote location once used to waterboard taxpayers to cough up more receipts. There we gently instruct them in the Laws of Murphy, which, like the Law of Attraction, states that if anything bad can happen to you it generally will, given time and temperature.

You said “we.” Who is “we.”

It’s not the A Team, it’s more like the Z Team. Like zombies, only worse, they’ve been lobotomized by watching too much TV, their eyes stuck open with Crazy Glue. In a different location, over where they film B movies with D-List actors and game show hosts. Anyway, what was your question?

What is a psychopath?

Oh. That’s someone who ruins a company before bailing out of the boardroom with a golden parachute and backpack full of bonus money. Honey. No, wait, that’s a CEO. Psychopath. Any politician who’s first order of business in Washington is getting re-elected. Or any football fan who owns a CRAZY BOY. That’s a special deluxe Lazy Boy model featuring heated and refrigerated coasters, a voice activated mini bar, a retractable cheese fountain, and a defibrillator.


New Squirrel Sandwich Recipe

food porn

England has its toast sandwich, revived just in time for the harsh scienceless future ahead. Americans, though, love their meat, and can’t imagine a sandwich without it. So NEN has enlisted the test kitchens of Top Chef and Iron Chef to break with serving the top 1% for just one show, and prepare the rest of us (99%) for the coming reality of economic doom, starvation, and all those AR-15s out there finally being used…on one’s neighbors. And here is the result:
One freshly killed squirrel (obtained by cage trap, rifle, or shotgun).
Three packets of special sauce (stolen from local fast food franchise).
Salt and pepper, if available.
One very large leaf (make sure it’s not poison ivy).
1)  Skin the squirrel, making sure to discard the unsavory parts such as fur, intestines and eyes.
2)  Mash the rest together into a patty.
3)  Grill over an open flame of your choice, using old stock certificates and dollar bills as fuel.
4)  Apply special sauce, and liberally sprinkle with salt and pepper.
5)  Place concoction in leaf.
Bon Appetit.
We now return to Rocco’s Celebrity Luncheon, already in progress.  Today the menu is:
Butternut Squash Soup
Roast Rack of Lamb Tiffany
Noisettes of Red Deer w/orange rosemary sauce
Medallions de Trois Viandes aux Trois Poivron
Poitrines de Volaille a’ L’Ail Doux
Mouton Rothschild 1938
Grand Marnier Cheese Cake
Fresh Mango Sherbert w/Coulis of Raspberries
Raspberry Liquor Occupy Wall Street flambé


Food Porn
“I resemble that remark!”



the psychopath test
Pop Quiz: Who are you? Look at the photo of a baby bird waiting for its parents to return. If you want to write a poem about this chick, you’re a sensitive poet or environmentalist. If you don’t see the chick but rather a potential property to develop into a Spring Break resort, you’re an investment banker or career politician looking for kickbacks. If you see the chick and want to step on it, you’re either a gang-banger who has taken the gangster rap message to its logical “next step,” or you’re a candidate for future President and/or the AntiChrist.