Trump fires everyone, including a liquor store owner for losing $403 Million.
“Now let’s eat!”
Trump fires everyone, including a liquor store owner for losing $403 Million.
“Now let’s eat!”
Matt Taibbi was just on BookTV talking about his 2017 book INSANE CLOWN PRESIDENT. Among the interesting things he said was that Fox News under Roger Ailes has done one thing to change the world of US politics: to make it impossible to compromise on anything, or to be friends with anyone who doesn’t agree with you politically. He made the comparison with asking Minnesota Vikings fans to not be Minnesota Vikings fans anymore. “Not going to happen.” Interesting that he mentions the Vikings, who were cruel and “very, very” unusual too. His point is what I’ve been saying all along, in attempts to promo the Coffee Party, (which actually does exist—and which no one ever mentions—believing 100% that the two-party system will be around until America falls off the Flat Earth around 2019, due to melting ice caps and Yellowstone exploding to levitate us toward the edge…see The “History” Channel or Youboob.) Hey, Matt, a more accurate book title might be GAME SHOW PRESIDENT. Trump is not insane, he’s a narcissist and borderline sociopath pretending to be a Christian of the Creflo Dollar ilk. (God wants you to be rich now…Jesus never really liked poor people much anyway, or as Trump interprets it, “losers.”) Taken together with other books mentioned on Book TV, including by Hunter S. Thompson and Neil Postman, if you add Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World you have the answer: we have moved from desiring the goodness of being liked to the goal of being top dog in the dog fights everyone bets on and shouts about. “Losers” are those who are eaten alive, twitching in pools of blood. (Like the movie 300 or the UFC.) If you’re not rich by whatever means (including war) you “lose,” meaning you DESERVE death. This is also Putin’s view, mixing up his version of Jim Jones Koolaid for anyone who disagrees. Trump has also said this: “The point is to win. You say and do whatever it takes.” Being honest or good? That’s for sissies and “nut jobs.” BTW, there are no tapes, folks. Trump is going to say “I never said there were. What I said was ‘you better hope there aren’t.’” It’s a game show, for ratings. You cherry pick whatever works, deny the rest, and watch as your brand gets more valuable. (Kinda like the Kardashians, while wearing furs ripped from living animals.) Once everything is a game (and it all is, now, sadly) the most important thing is to bludgeon the other side in a quivering mound of crimson flesh…and then turn on ESPN… While preaching how righteous you are, meaning those on “the other side” of the gridiron deserve the concussions you have administered. —Ryback Solomon
Matt’s book from the publisher: In twenty-five pieces from Rolling Stone—plus two original essays—Matt Taibbi tells the story of Western civilization’s very own train wreck, from its tragicomic beginnings to its apocalyptic conclusion. Years before the clown car of candidates was fully loaded, Taibbi grasped the essential themes of the story: the power of spectacle over substance, or even truth; the absence of a shared reality; the nihilistic rebellion of the white working class; the death of the political establishment; and the emergence of a new, explicit form of white nationalism that would destroy what was left of the Kingian dream of a successful pluralistic society.
Taibbi captures, with dead-on, real-time analysis, the failures of the right and the left, from the thwarted Bernie Sanders insurgency to the flawed and aimless Hillary Clinton campaign; the rise of the “dangerously bright” alt-right with its wall-loving identity politics and its rapturous view of the “Racial Holy War” to come; and the giant fail of a flailing, reactive political media that fed a ravenous news cycle not with reporting on political ideology, but with undigested propaganda served straight from the campaign bubble. At the center of it all stands Donald J. Trump, leading a historic revolt against his own party, “bloviating and farting his way” through the campaign, “saying outrageous things, acting like Hitler one minute and Andrew Dice Clay the next.” For Taibbi, the stunning rise of Trump marks the apotheosis of the new postfactual movement.
Taibbi frames the reporting with original essays that explore the seismic shift in how we perceive our national institutions, the democratic process, and the future of the country. Insane Clown President is not just a postmortem on the collapse and failure of American democracy. It offers the riveting, surreal, unique, and essential experience of seeing the future in hindsight.
Funding to the National Weather Service will be discontinued under Trump’s administration, and the money diverted to the Institute for World Domination, as part of a proposed Pentagon End Times Office. “The only barometer we need is the DOW,” Pence told Leonardo DiCaprio. “Just stick your middle finger in the air, stay ahead of the curve, and slash all costs that cut into profits.” Slashed by cyclonic funnel clouds, the towns facing the realities of global warming merited a yawn from Pence, even after temperatures soared to 114 in Fargo. The NWS has predicted that “hellish hailstones will rise exponentially in size as massive superstorms crisscross a country of NASCAR loving gun show addicts.” Fired despite apologizing for the statement, the spokesman then added, “Their SUVs will be crushed by two ton dry ice boulders dropping from Flameadoes, even as they drive to monster truck rallies where former banking VP Dick ‘Twinkletoes’ Fuld will give a speech condemning the National Science Foundation for the blasphemous lie that the Earth is over six thousand years old.” Luckily he didn’t add that the NWS uses satellites to gather their data, or he would have been punctured by Flat Earth trident…with no access to health insurance.
MODESTY: An out of date modality, replaced by the Selfie, the viral Sex Tape, the Nip Slip, and the rise of reality TV, the NFL front office, Fox News, Goldman Sachs and other poster boys for AMERICAN GREED. Thanks to the new narcissism, the “modest” person is now considered a “loser” in need of coaching by “successful” sociopaths on how to fake emotions for pleasure and profit. The goal of perpetual adoration by worshipful masses is, in the end, usually thwarted, however, by 60 Minutes or Frontline reporters showing up with a list of questions for which they already know the answers.
Ryn Jacobs played short stop for the Yankees in 1948. He was a one season player who once hit a ball so hard it disintegrated in flight. . . not just ripping the cover off, but turning it to dust. (Every other time Ryn hit the ball he never made it to first base.) THE LEGEND OF RYN had been optioned by Fox for a feature film, centering on the controversy that day about whether a flake of dust on the glove of the pitcher constituted an Out or not. The History Channel also planned a special science docudrama on the event to replace a rerun about a swamp monster inhabiting Duck Dynasty’s man-made mud hole. And it all started when a screenwriter named R. Solomon fabricated a fake baseball card, using old stock and vintage ink sufficient to fool The History Detectives. He then pitched the film to studio executives, giving them the card, which was in a display album next to an authentic Mickey Mantle card. The ruse fell apart when a Yankees fan named Howard Ziffle, working at the Fox mailroom during casting for the movie, declared that no one named Ryn Jacobs ever played for the Yankees. Studio heads had R. Solomon arrested on the spot. When asked why they believed a mailroom clerk, even though Solomon had a flawlessly forged baseball card authenticated by Antiques Road Show to boot, (not to mention a History Channel film already in progress featuring J.J. Abrams as director), studio chief Bernie Wolfe replied, “You don’t know Ziffle.” Apparently, although Howard Ziffle can’t get out of the mailroom because he has no marketable skills, no one disputes his baseball expertise. “He can tell you who was traded for who, and for how much, going back to Prohibition. Not only does he know the shoe size of every player in Yankee history, but he can tell you what their lockers contained during any given season. I’m talking about a fan so obsessed that his incense candles are shaped like bats, which he dipped and shaped himself, adding the scent of catcher glove leather. Too bad he’ll be working at McDonalds next week. We’re automating our mail room, and I hear his expertise doesn’t translate into anything but flipping burgers, being nothing unusual among rabid fans.” Fox is going ahead with the movie, as is The History Detectives. As for R. Solomon, he will be replaced by in-house screenwriters related to the studio heads, even as he spins tales in the Big House and (no doubt) tries to craft a gun out of soap.
IN OTHER McNEWS: We interrupt this nonsense with even more important news about sports. Neanderthals Still Alive! Human species thought to have gone extinct are actually still alive and kicking. . . footballs. That’s right: NFL teams are comprised of the descendants of Neanderthals, who possess the Eat or Be Eaten “sporting” gene. (Note: originally, being a “good sport” meant “tastes good.”) According to Dr. Neils Zahorsky of Cal Tech, only those schools without winning sports teams have homo sapien ancestors. (Cal Tech basketball lost 310 games in a row, and so was penalized by the NCAA for “academic infractions,” including 32 Nobel Prizes.) Everyone else descends from the newly discovered Nikeinus, who made up the Neanderthal fan base for various knuckle-dragging skull bowling competitions, using the heads of homo sapiens. . . whose bodies were roasted in prehistoric tailgate parties (thrown in the trunks of open flying saucers, silverware provided by Ancient Astronuts.) “The DNA and NCAA evidence doesn’t lie, although your biology textbooks do,” says Dr. Zahorsky, adding, “It is vitally important that these new findings be updated so that students will be unable to sell their old textbooks next year. In business parlance, as in other Neanderthal-dominated blood sports, such as war, it is necessary to crush the competition in a balls-to-the-wall display of egoic delusion so crippling and overwhelming in terms of “shock and awe” that it never reaches a nuking sudden death overtime. Thals did this by following their playbook, written in stone, as Nikeinus watched and munched on the junk DNA of those pacifist, vegetarian ‘win-win’ nerds who deserved to be eaten alive anyway.”