Does Taylor Swift Deserve an Oscar?



North Korea

In other McNews, Trump, according to the NY Times, is playing into the hands Kim Jong-un (by the way, congrats to Jong boy, he just surpassed Kim Kardashian in number of searches.) The reasoning goes that Trump is just like Kim, pandering to his audience and inciting fear of “the other side” in this Dr. Doom game. (By the way, watch “The Other Guys” movie: hilarious take on advertising and one-upsmanship.) Both can fire up their fans with ballistic rhetoric. Both are cowards, too. Hey, I’m not the one saying it. Okay, not alone. When has either of these clowns actually sacrificed anything? Kim is a grinning despot, madder than the Hatter, and Trump is a former game show host whose favorite book is “The Art of War,” along with his own books, which were “dictated” and ghost written (shades of Ghost Hunters or James Patterson, who lives near Trump in another mansion.) Both surround themselves with loyal minions and relatives and military generals. Disagree with Trump and “you’re fired.” Disagree with Kim and it’s the firing squad. Trump is “very, very” good at what he does. Just listen to him saying this. He plays to uneducated people as his base, and they have hunkered down inside this bunker, lobbing verbal grenades at anyone who disagrees. Tweets and Instagram posts and Youtube videos. Kaboom! Kaboom! Ka-Doom! The reason he adds “very, very” to everything is because his vocabulary is limited. Look what I found while looking up the definition of “very:” “Past participles that have become established as adjectives can, like most English adjectives, be modified by the adverb very:  a very driven person; we were very concerned for your safety.  Very does not modify past participles that are clearly verbal; for example, The lid was very sealed is not an idiomatic construction, while The lid was very tightly sealed is. Sometimes confusion arises over whether a given past participle is adjectival and thus able to be modified by very without an intervening adverb. However, there is rarely any objection to the use of this intervening adverb, no matter how the past participle is functioning. Such use often occurs in edited writing:  We were very much relieved to find the children asleep. They were very greatly excited by the news. I feel very badly cheated.”  Coffee Party? Time to wake up. What’s really wrong with the world is that here are too many “marketing geniuses” and too little quality content. We should be telling Kim that he can star in the next Hollywood blockbuster: Emoji Movie 2: Rise of the North Koreans. That would “blow up” his mind while scoring one for the Lipper.  

Very Man

VERY MAN in an alternate universe.

GOT White Walkers Offer Hope for GOP

White Walkers

That’s Right, brokes. The WHITE WALKERS have gotten up from their walkers and intend to fight global warming by swarming over the ice wall and facing down the dragons with threats and ballistic countermeasures. The blue twitter birds of paradise are all a-Tweet about IT, too. First order of business: save the GOP by changing their emoticon from an elephant to a RIGHT WHALE. Saving actual whales is a side benefit of saving the whales on Wall Street, and will generate free press for the UFC matches to come. Will the strategy work? Time will tell. In the meantime, be sure to stay doomed to this blog for future grim statistics. As each can of Whoopass is opened, new revelations may Usher in Revelations no one anticipated. Not even Taylor Swift. Who is right, and who is wrong? It doesn’t matter anymore, post-truth. Just drink lots of coffee, Light Roast or Dark, and plan to move into your bunker in the next 72 hours.

The Vanishing American Adult by Rep. Ben Sasse….

the vanishing american adult

Tsunami Garbage Includes Refugees

Tsunami Trash
Rush Hour Gridlock in Trashville

Forget the game show The Wall. A Manhattan-sized mass of garbage slowly approaching California does indeed house over 8000 refugees in the newly discovered central “city” amid the muck. The origin of the residents of Trashville is unknown at this point, but NASA satellite imaging seems to indicate the Philippines, (although–inextricably–there are also many North Koreans mingled with them, while Flat Earthers say the images are CGI and the natives are from Lost Atlantis.) The city itself has already elected a mayor and a city council, who are dealing with complaints regarding sewage treatment and electrical power outages. The city’s generator has proven insufficient in providing service to resident Direct TV subscribers, who are also complaining about the quality of shows like Lifestyles of the Bitch and the Ignoramus. Mayor Pencho Sing talked to our own Ryback Solomon today via satellite phone, and what follows is the transcript of that conversation.

RS)  Sir, can you hear me now?

PS)  Oh yes, I learn English. I takee correspondence course.

RS)  How did you get there, and what are your in-tensions?            

PS)  We shuttle by Russian sub. We pay captain two hundred yuan each, or Olympics memorabilia. We demand be American. We go Kalifornia.  

RS)  How did you know the garbage was headed this way?

PS)  I no understand question.

RS)  What are you eating?

PS)  We have many working refrigerator. Hungry Man dinner. We cook microwave.

RS)  The Russians gave you the generator?

PS)  Oh yes, Putin very kind. We told record what we find to Wookieleaks.

RS)  This is simply amazing, sir. Can you tell us, who knew you were going to attempt this besides the Russians and Directv?

PS)  Coke and cola. We got much machine, many sign everywhere.

RS)  And what are you expecting, when you reach shore?

PS)  Three hots and cot. Just kiddie you. We want America dream. We want be famous and rich. We go America Got Talent. Howie love us.

RS)  All eight thousand of you?

PS) We prepare many act. We drink much Beyonce Pepsi. We get money for no thing and Swift for free.

RS)  I see. And who cleans up all the mess?

PS)  No understand question.

Well, there you have it, folks. Mr. Sing will be strumming your heartstrings, soon. . . along with the 7999 other residents of Trashville. Could be a hit, unless it’s a miss. . . in which case they intend to declare the flotilla the 51st state and get delegates into Washington to work on pork barrel projects like a sanitation plant and a saltwater reclamation initiative. Already several dream team lawyers have offered their services on a percentage basis, and a campaign advisor hired on retainer.  If the new state DRIFTOPIA is born from all this, we will be watching closely for how it all plays out in the next electoral college. Happy Daze are here again!

Tsunami trash