England has its toast sandwich, revived just in time for the harsh scienceless future ahead. Americans, though, love their meat, and can’t imagine a sandwich without it. So NEN has enlisted the test kitchens of Top Chef and Iron Chef to break with serving the top 1% for just one show, and prepare the rest of us (99%) for the coming reality of economic doom, starvation, and all those AR-15s out there finally being used…on one’s neighbors. And here is the result:
One freshly killed squirrel (obtained by cage trap, rifle, or shotgun).
Three packets of special sauce (stolen from local fast food franchise).
Salt and pepper, if available.
One very large leaf (make sure it’s not poison ivy).
1) Skin the squirrel, making sure to discard the unsavory parts such as fur, intestines and eyes.
2) Mash the rest together into a patty.
3) Grill over an open flame of your choice, using old stock certificates and dollar bills as fuel.
4) Apply special sauce, and liberally sprinkle with salt and pepper.
5) Place concoction in leaf.
We now return to Rocco’s Celebrity Luncheon, already in progress. Today the menu is:
Butternut Squash Soup
Roast Rack of Lamb Tiffany
Noisettes of Red Deer w/orange rosemary sauce
Medallions de Trois Viandes aux Trois Poivron
Poitrines de Volaille a’ L’Ail Doux
Mouton Rothschild 1938
Grand Marnier Cheese Cake
Fresh Mango Sherbert w/Coulis of Raspberries
Raspberry Liquor Occupy Wall Street flambé