Earth to be Renamed Rathe


“It was just an idea,” said Wolfgang Putz-Goethe, of the International Flat Earth Society. “Isn’t that how science works…from idea to proving everyone on Earth is a lying scumbag?” Putz has disappeared, much like Dan Brown did after publishing The DaVinci Code in order to boost speculation (and book sales) by getting everyone to argue over what was actually fiction. Does this mean that, like Pluto, Earth (being flat) is no longer a planet? You decide. One thing is for sure: the anagram of Earth certainly is appropriate now. The archaic (Dark Ages) meaning of RATHE is, “prompt and eager.” While RATH is an obsolete spelling for RAT, and WRATH is “extreme anger.” So what you have is “a fast mad rat looking to bite you in the ass.” (Ass was added because everyone on RATHE is mad about the word…and wiggling the thing itself.) 

GQ In other McNews, actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt has come out of the closet. I mean the wardrobe, as in “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” Okay, substitute “Bitch.” Also, there is Journalistic Proof that Mitt Romney is not a robot. Do they both believe the Earth is flat? HERE is “evidence” for Levitt.  WHY, Joe, WHY??! Say it ain’t so, Joe!  Also, NEN has just learned that Johnny Depp’s great grandfather fought in the Civil War, and that Johnny is “destined” (say astrologers) to fight in the NEXT Civil War (August of this year.) Hey, if they said it on Youboob or the History Channel, it must be true, rightz? 

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp
This is Johnny Depp’s real dad. And that’s Amber Alert Hearde, who died soon after this CGI gif was taken in 1945. Oddly, Hitler was NOT involved. You hearde it first here.

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