Glutenberg Bible Discovered

Glutenberg Bible
Glutenberg Bible

Discovered at a library near the archeological site in Israel near where Jesus fed five thousand people with seven loaves of bread, a Glutenberg Bible just discovered is being described as, “almost identical to the mid-19th Century text, except there is no mention of wheat. Instead, there is substituted ‘rice flour’ or ‘corn meal.’ So it’s really the same Bible, only gluten free. Manna from heaven is made from amaranth and quinoa, not wheat. And the reference of separating the ‘tares from the wheat’ actually refers to buckwheat, which isn’t wheat at all. Oh, and there’s a recipe in the back on how to make low calorie beer without the use of wheat or hops. I guess this means that all those portly TV preachers and priests have been doing it wrong all these years, and may be in for a surprise come Judgment Day.”
Hosea 7:4) “They are all adulterers, like a heated oven whose baker ceases to stir the fire, from the kneading of the dough until it is leavened.”
Ezekiel 4:15) Then He said to me, “See, I assign to you cow’s dung instead of human dung, on which you may prepare your bread.”
Leviticus 7:13) “With the sacrifice of his peace offerings for thanksgiving he shall bring his offering with loaves of cornbread.”
Genesis 18:6) And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, “Quick! Three seahs of fine dark flour! Knead it, and make buckwheat pancakes!”
Genesis 19:1) The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth and said, “My lords, please turn aside to your servant’s house and spend the night and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way.” They said, “No, we will spend the night in the town square.” But he pressed them strongly, so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast, but with processed bread, and they ate. Then before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may ‘KNOW’ them.” (After which God baked them.)

Our religion is football and food. In Steve Almond’s book, the violent nature of the game, from its origin as mimicry of battle (with land and air assaults) led to acceptance of slaughter as patriotic and necessary…”and there is never enough, which is why the fighting never ends.” So scientists studying aggression and the brain are not surprised by painted faces. Young men are taught aggression early, and are 25 times more likely to attack you than women or older men. There is a genetic link with sexual aggression too. This is why so many ball players are involved in sexual crimes. They are among the percentage to have inhibited dopamine receptors. Almond says he was a rabid Raiders fan, and loved the “primal, vicious glee of it…the barbarian glory and thrill of exacting injury on one’s opponents.” Sounds a bit like ISIS, eh? So don’t be surprised if the Islamic State announces they are fans of your favorite team or bacon product, as other despots have in the past, (or Nixon of the Giants and Packers…having wanted to recruit Vince Lombardi to strategize the war in Vietnam.) Of course not even ISIS believes the Earth is flat. They aren’t that dummm.

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