A famous rapper and NBA star today proved that the Earth is, in fact, flat. In August the DNA evidence linked OJ to the murders. Is there a link? What are we missing? Perhaps textbooks should be rewritten. Rich white Republicans should riot. No, wait. DNA science is bogus. And the Earth IS flat. Or not. Someone call Alex Jones and ask him. Alex thinks 9/11 was a government conspiracy. Wasn’t Bush President at the time? Okay, maybe not. Let’s ask BoB, the rapper who dissed Neil deGrasse Tyson, although Neil has a doctorate in astrophysics from Columbia after earning degrees in physics and astronomy from Harvard and the University of Texas…while B.o.B. dropped out of the ninth grade. Does that matter? Actually, on Youboob, NOT being educated is MORE impressive. Only number of hits and followers counts. So let us repeat: THE EARTH IS FLAT, FOLKS. NASA LIES ABOUT, LIKE, EVERYTHIN. YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO DUH F$#&ING BANK!
In other McNews, due to the overwhelming resistance to science by those sporting automatic weapons, the scheduled Science March on Washington on Earth Day has been cancelled. (Or canceled, for those few who follow science news in America.) We now return you to the Cricket World Cup, sponsored by Cricket Wireless, whose slogan is “Something to Smile About.”