Anthony Bourdain in Plane Crash

Former chef turned TV host Anthony Bourdain has been involved in a horrific plane crash that has left fans wondering whether he will emerge from plastic surgery looking younger. See shocking footage below, taken in the Ozarks.

For more on Bourdain, click on his name (link) above. (BTW, this vid was inspired by his recent comment on Parts Unknown, “I’m feeling all my years.” He has a wicked sense of humor, so this is homage.)

Fed Chairman’s Controversial Tape Released

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was taped singing in a bathroom stall on Capitol Hill by a lobbyist for Rice used at weddings and funerals. (Note: not Condoleezza Rice.) The tape was seized by the Secret Service, but we have reenacted it after obtaining the transcript:
.
Sittin’ on my toilet bowl,
Livin’ on the government dole.
Done cashed my check, bought a new deck.
It’s all part of playin’ my role.
Get you a new house, too!
Get ridda that pet mouse, fool!
There’s nothin’ ta say, an’ nothin’ to do
jus’ vote the man that makes the rules.

What was most disturbing about the “song” is that it was sung like a rap song! It shows that the Fed believes the Middle Class is toast, since both the rich and poor will crush them either way, and since we insist that our President be tall and dress well for red carpet events as America’s Next Top Mannequin. . . leaving Ron Paul to speak the truth in a closet.

Viral Video Sweeps Nation

“Ma Ma Mia! Where’s my iPhone?”

A viral video depicting a rabid cat tap dancing out of a UFO is sweeping the nation. It is threatening to overtake a controversial surveillance video featuring a former Wall Street banker drowning in his Trump tower penthouse Jacuzzi after karaoke rapping “Money, Cash, Hoes” by Jay Z…(apparently he was drunk from Occupy Wall Street celebrations, his gold chains were too heavy, and his hired Wall street walkers had already left the building.) We were unable to obtain permission to show either video, but if you tune into Entertainment Tonight tonight, no doubt you’ll be sure to get your fill of such videos, along with news about why the actors are more important than the movies they act in, and why celebrity judges are more important than any winner (who, like the great yet forgotten Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., ends up playing in county fairs after their two week run after midnight at the Vegas Days Inn is over.)

Man Accidentally Deletes 40 Million Hit Video

Karl Kramer of Wichita, Kansas had two videos on his Youtube channel Youboob.  One is an embarrassingly little-viewed review of the book The Forever War by Joe Haldeman, an award-winning science fiction novel about the time dilation effects of near light speed travel that causes a returning star wars (footnote: small caps here since this isn’t related to George Lucas) battle group to question the meaning of war itself (since people on Earth had aged far more than they have.)  Karl intended to delete this video from his channel (since it only had 57 views in six months), and to retain his video of Kim Kardashian stroking her cat named “Puss” while watching the movie Jackass: The Movie in her underwear.  The video, taken by the friend of a friend of a Friend (ie. David Schwimmer) had obtained 40,963,411 hits in three weeks, and was by then netting Karl $6000 a day in revenue.  So he’d quit his job and bought a Porsche.  Unfortunately, Karl inadvertently deleted the wrong video (he was slurping Cristal champagne with 50 Cent at the time), and was told by Youtube that the deletion could not be undone, due to their new rules.  Now Karl is looking for a job in Hollywood (where he’d moved in anticipation of meeting Kim in person), and now lists on his resume a “career at Taco Bell as a line chef, currently writing my memoir to be titled ‘Konfidential Kitchen Knightmares.’”  (Also that he “once roomed in Kollege with the friend of a friend of a freakin’ FRIEND, my friend,” although they are no longer friends.)  Karl is now suing Youtube (and 50 Cent for missing teeth), having found a lawyer (and former televangelist) who will work for a 55% fee, and in the meantime has been advised to “cool it” since The Forever War has been optioned by Ridley Scott for a movie that may rival Avatar.  In which case we predict that his remaining video may eventually rise from 57 to 570 views.