Category Archives: Health
Buying treasury securities and real estate in the United States may be the crazy craze of their parents, but kids in China and Japan have their own insanity: McDonalds French Fries and Coke parties. Some journalists, like our own Walter Witty, call these “suicide parties,” although the victims probably won’t die right away. “Actually, they are cutting out their future years,” Reporter Ryback Solomon explains. “Years that seem a long way off right now, but will be here before you can count all the millions made by Coke, Pepsi, and McDonalds targeting these kids. Like the Sade song says, it’s a slow bullet. And this is no hollow point.” Note: Asian kids are still relatively free of the obesity and diabetes epidemics American kids suffer, since, as yet, there isn’t a convenience store selling 64 oz. sodas on every street corner (or soda machines in every school) like here in America.
A new report just released by the CDC indicates that some thirty-five percent of hospitals in the United States are infecting patients with rare germs which no known antibiotics can cure. And now NEN has learned that the same percentage of pharmaceutical firms are developing new drugs to provide those cures. Thirty-five is also the number of dollars each pill will cost, and thirty-five is again the number of States which will provide coverage via Medicare. Is there a connection here? You decide. We have testimonies from 35 doctors who claim to have proof that the drug companies engineered the bugs in order to create a need for their $35 pills, due to hit the market in 35 days. This is very similar to the statin drugs created 35 years ago to fight cholesterol as a means to prevent heart disease, although there is no connection between cholesterol and heart disease…while $35 Billion has been made on just one of the 35 drugs created to fight cholesterol. Get the picture? Of course you can now get generic statins at only 35 cents per pill. What a bargain. Just don’t take them without the vitamin CQ10, however, or you might have a heart attack since statins lower CQ10 levels, and your doctor may not tell you this or even know it, although your heart does know it. (Actually, your chance of heart disease increases by 35% with statins, along with other things like stroke.) Getting back to hospitals, 35% of them sell junk food in their cafeterias, but this is not necessarily the same 35% of hospitals with the rare germs, although there’s a 35% crossover, equivalent to a double-whammy (of diabetes.) To sum up, let’s say you have the flu and go to the hospital for a prescription you can’t get without seeing a doctor. The doctor will have his nurses run 35 tests on you first, billing Medicare $3500, then he’ll consult with you for 35 seconds. Your co-pay will be $35, and the nearest open pharmacy will be 35 miles away 35% of the time. You’ll be cured of the flu, but will come down with a severe debilitating illness, again mysteriously peaking in 35 days, and requiring $35 pills for up to 35 months. If you fall within the double-whammy 35% you now also have a 35% chance of having to stick yourself with needles the rest of your life. Of course Medicare will pay for this too, (if you live in one of the 35 States), and your co-pay will remain $35…although your chance at being able to pay your taxes and retire prior to age 70 has been reduced by half.
In other news, televangelist Ted Cashman has been invited by Kim Jong Un to hold a crusade and fundraiser in North Korea so that they can raise enough money to buy a decent used ICBM. Cashman, chosen by Un primarily because of his name, reportedly has the same charisma that Korean messiah Sun Myung Moon did, and has been known to hypnotize his audiences just before it comes time to pass the KFC buckets marked “$20 Bills Only.” Cashman, currently staying in his vacation penthouse in Dubai while his French mansion and compound is searched by 35 Interpol agents, has so far not tweeted his 3.5 million followers about the invitation, although rumors have it he’s headed for gastric bypass surgery, having gained 135 pounds since he and John Hagee began eating fried chicken in order to collect enough buckets for their last crusade, MC’ed by Creflo Dollar. The new Dubai Hospital is one of the cleanest in the world, and is also where 100% of pharmaceutical executives go to be treated…just before hitting the ski slopes inside the Dubai Mall…which are cryptically angled at 35 degrees.
What’s a lemming? It’s a rodent that jumps off a cliff just because everyone else is doing it. But a human lemming is someone who’s a victim of their own ignorance and/or habits. Someone who never thinks for themselves. Who are the victimizers? The advertisers who use the allure of taste, status, and pop psychology against you (for profit.) What’s the result? Shorter, sicker lifespans. Loss of sensitivity. The victim becomes brutish, jaded, vain, sick, and more ignorant. Face it. We are being lied to on an hourly basis. We have been lied to so long and so often that many don’t even recognize the truth when they hear it. Worse yet, many lemmings recognize the truth but don’t care anymore. They have become desensitized to it. Told about the approaching cliff, they steer toward it, not away. That’s what a lemming does. Are you a lemming?
Q) Do you smoke?
Q) Do you eat processed foods, chips, and/or french fries on a regular basis?
Q) Do you drink soda?
Q) Are you obsessed with sports?
Q) Do you love violence (cage fighting) or violent music (gangster rap)?
Q) Do you watch a lot of TV?
ANSWER: If you answered no to all of these questions, you are a rare, calm, intelligent person, and not a lemming. Because these are industries that have targeted you to BE a lemming. They want you obsessed, and ignorant. They want you to buy more of their junk. And they are using every means possible to saturate you with ignorance, to make you wallow in it, to pour it down your throat over any objections to their strategies. For example, listen to SALT SUGAR FAT, a new book by Pulitzer prize winning author Michael Moss. Lots of footnotes here about Kraft, Coca-Cola, Kellogg, Frito-Lay, PepsiCo. Would it surprise you to learn that Philip Morris, the tobacco industry giant, COACHED these people on how to fight objections related to health concerns? They were given the grim stats on childhood obesity and diabetes, and what did they do? “They doubled down on pushing their worst products,” Moss said. “It’s all about profit, that’s the only criterion.” They engineer their products to be bad. They go out of their way to make them bad. By “bad” I mean “bad for you.” Of course they taste good. That’s all that matters. Long shelf life, bursts of flavors, mouth feel, “bliss” factor. That’s what counts. Meanwhile, America spends more on catastrophic surgeries and intervention and prescription drugs than any country in the world. Who cares? Not Nabisco. Not McDonalds. Open wide, and shovel it in, lemmings. You junkies, you. You morons. Turn on your ball game, shove in that 50 Cent album, loser. Pay up, then die. Who’s saying this? Not me. I’m saying to stop. It’s them who are thinking this. I’m just pointing it out. Because you certainly aren’t getting the message on the evening news! No, those newsies are in the pockets of the manufacturers who advertise on their networks, endlessly, ceaselessly, steering you toward the cliff they have constructed for you. Do you doubt this? Would you like to argue the point? The stats are here. The smoking guns are still smoking. Or as they say, the truth will out. They haven’t a prayer of winning this argument, and so what do they do? They double down on the bliss of ignorance, turning Americans into drug addicts. Pushers—that’s what they are, wrapping themselves in American flags like Pentagon Generals who send your kids off to more visible (and likewise meaningless) deaths as they munch on corn chips. The sad thing is, the 26,000,000 people in the U.S. with diabetes don’t even think of Frito-Lay as being partly to blame. They blame themselves, or fate. The fat guy on the operating table doesn’t blame all the commercials he’s seen for mouth-watering french fries, cooking in hydrogenated oils his body can’t process. Those cookies and crackers can last ten years on the shelf, unlike those mom makes. Why? BECAUSE OF TRANS-FATS YOU SHOULDN’T EAT. Did you know they can say “Zero trans fat” when, in fact, there is trans fat present? Oh yes. Does it say “hydrogenated?” Bingo: Trans fats. THEY LIE. THEY HAVE LOBBYISTS IN WASHINGTON TO FIX IT FOR THEM. When she bakes cookies, Mom cares. Nestle doesn’t. Now, why say anything about this? Why bother? People are going to do what they want to do. Is that your argument? Well, it’s the argument of a lemming. Because only a lemming would dismiss logic and join in lock step toward the cliff. It’s like saying black kids can only shoot hoops, they can’t be doctors. It’s like saying Hitler should have won because he was so successful. (Just look at what he took on: the whole freaking world! And he almost got the A Bomb before we did! What Success!!!) To sum up, they are inundating you with ads for junk, but you don’t have to drink the KoolAid. (Actually, if you drank the KoolAid instead of the diet soda you’d be better off.) Maybe you didn’t know this. Now you do. The amazing thing about marketing research is that people say they do one thing, but in actuality they do another. They are influenced against their will. Just so you know…they are watching you, and your friends. They are tricking you. They are lying to you. Don’t fall for it…and off the cliff…
Shocking News Flash: Coke Formula Exposed!
The formula for Coke has been hacked by the Chinese, and they have sent the ingredients to WikiLeaks. Appears that there is no trace of cocaine in the formula anymore, presumably because cocaine is so expensive. The most astonishing fact about the formula is what it DOESN’T contain. Not only is there no sugar, (since that’s too expensive, and has been replaced by the addictive high fructose corn syrup, a cheaper manmade product that can lead to diabetes,) but there is no happiness either! That’s right: happiness is not part of this product, although it’s advertised as being the main product, with slogans like “Open Happiness.” For the full formula, go here.
Multiplex theater chains have grounded some of their cinemas after entire rows of obese patrons broke loose due to “Coking” of retaining bolts. Slick, angled floors then sent wide bodies into collision, resulting in many calls to 911 of the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” nature. Coke is blaming the vibration of special effects explosions and chase scenes for the mayhem, along with all the one-liners being batting around. But analysis has shown that soda played a supporting role, if not a leading role. Indeed, the explanations given by soda companies about their products not being addictive (after spending billions in advertising) deserve Oscar nominations in the Best Adapted Screenplay category (following in the tradition of the cigarette industry.) Meanwhile, the CEOs deserve Oscars for their performances in front of Senate committees in explaining that food porn diabetes and heart disease, like cancer, comes down to a matter of “personal choice.”
Ever since Coke has been blamed for corroding the bolts holding the seats of American Airlines 757′s to the floor (“Coking” as Brian Williams of NBC put it), many new uses for the acidic substance have been discovered.
1) Cleaning toilets. It’s great for removing stains from your bathroom bowl. Liquid Plumber? No, use the Real Thing!
2) Unfreezing rusted tools and plumbing fixtures. Put your old wrenches and pliers and steel pipes into a big bowl, and cover with Coke overnight. In the morning, they’ll be good as new! (Also good for removing the protective layer of mucus coating your own plumbing, while raising the cost of health care in. . . Oh, wait. . .that may be in keeping with al Qaeda’s goal of crippling the West with massive debt. Nevermind.) Note: Be sure not to put rusty nails in Coke for more than a day, as they may disappear entirely.
3) Christmas gift. Since the bubbles in soda can bring up acid to wash over the throat, leading to esophageal cancer over time (as Dr. Oz says), send free Coke coupons to Iran! Then we won’t have to listen to their President making uncomfortable points with that half smile of his, because his voice will be to hoarse to hear. Share the love!
4) Killing insects. Roaches loved the real sugar that Coke used to contain, but are less crazy about the more addictive and cheaper high fructose corn syrup (which is an artificial, manmade substance whose manufacture creates mercury as a bi-product). Add to this the corrosive effect of the acids in Coke, and you might just have an effective alternative insecticide. Replace Raid with Coke in spray bottles, and try it now! You’re sure to have Coke and Pepsi products in your house right now. After all, you’ve been bombarded with ads night and day for decades!
5) Battery posts. Winter is coming, and although global warming means that less ice will be around for the polar bears to star in commercials (thanks, in part, to Coke’s largely bogus concern for the environment), on occasion cars fail to start due to a buildup of gunk on the posts. Coke to the rescue! Dissolve those salts because “life begins here”…again!
You just can’t beat the feeling of knowing that, although you’re ill advised to feed Coke to your pets, feeding it to babies (especially foreign ones) is fine (according to the soda and cigarette companies, anyway.) Coke adds life, right? So Open Happiness and Enjoy, Coke after Coke after Coke. Always. (Or at least until things stop going better for you.)
My interview with the author HERE.