Olympics to Add FOOD RACES in 2016

The International Olympic Committee has caved to the fast food lobby’s pressure (and bribes) once again. It all started when they announced an intension to ban McDonalds and Coke from the Games, which, as we all know, quietly morphed into McDonald’s sponsorship and ban of their competition in London. Now the Committee has succumbed to pressure by the Food Porn Network to introduce eating competitions and server races to the mix. Scantily clad waitresses will push obese gluttons in wheelchairs around the same oval tracks used by cyclists. The glutton who eats the most Triple Bypass Burgers® by the end of one lap wins. When asked if this wasn’t more like a Special Olympics event, Committee Spokescaver Willard Weaselthorp declared, “These contestants have no socially unacceptable disabilities, other than by France. And they don’t count.” When we asked about the catastrophic health care costs such a concession would burden all the cultures of the world with, (as nations prepare to compete for the new events), Weaselthorp replied, “You should be happy we’ve approved a sport which America will clearly dominate at the next Olympiad. It will also help level the dying field among countries hoping to lead the world—as the United States currently does—in percentage of GDP spent on doctor visits. France excluded, of course.”

That burger costs more than ya think.
Before ya die, better make the link.
Our health care costs are on the brink,
Our taxes leap, right as you sink!  
Goin’ down the tubes.
We eat like boobs. (repeat like supersized fries)

 

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